You love your child with everything you have. But some days, love doesn’t feel like enough.
Because this? This is a lot.
Parenting a high-needs child asks more of you than you ever thought you had to give. More energy, more patience, more problem-solving, more advocating, more doing. It’s like trying to build a bridge as you walk across it—with no blueprint and no breaks.
And no one really talks about how much it takes.
The Weight of Constant Care
Every day is a balancing act between meeting your child’s needs and trying to hold onto yourself.
Maybe your child has intense emotions, sensory sensitivities, medical or developmental needs. Maybe they struggle in ways the world doesn’t understand. Maybe nothing about parenting them feels simple.
And the hardest part? It’s all on you.
You are the one making the doctor’s appointments, emailing the teachers, setting the routines, managing the meltdowns, handling the judgments, absorbing the stares.
You are the one researching therapies at midnight, wondering if you’re doing enough, if you missed something, if you got it wrong.
And if you’re honest, some days, it’s suffocating.
The Things You Can’t Say Out Loud
You feel exhausted in a way sleep can’t fix.
You feel isolated because other parents don’t get it.
You feel guilt—for wanting a break, for feeling frustrated, for secretly wondering what life would be like if things were different.
You love your child fiercely, but you also resent how much of yourself you’ve had to give up.
And even though you are doing everything for them, you still wonder if it’s enough.
Try out these three suggestions for self-care while taking care of a high-needs child:
Redefine Rest
You might not be able to take long breaks or get the sleep you desperately need, but rest isn’t just about time—it’s about giving yourself permission to pause. Maybe it’s lying on the floor for five minutes while your kid plays around you. Maybe it’s letting yourself zone out on your phone without guilt. Maybe it’s choosing easy over perfect whenever possible. Rest doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Find the little moments and take them.
Lower the Bar (Lower...Lower...)
The world expects you to be everything—but you don’t have to be. Not every meal has to be home-cooked, not every meltdown needs your full emotional energy, and not every need has to be met immediately. Let go of the idea that you have to do it all, all the time. Give yourself permission to do the bare minimum sometimes (a lot of times). Surviving is enough.
Find People Who Get It
Nothing feels lonelier than being surrounded by people who don’t understand your life. If your current circles don’t get it, find people who do. Maybe that’s a therapist, a support group or an online community of moms who actually see you. You are not meant to carry this alone.
You are just as important as the child you’re raising. Your needs matter, too. And no, taking care of yourself won’t magically make this easier—but it will remind you that you exist outside of what you do for others. And you deserve to be reminded of that, again and again.
Therapy is a place where you don’t have to explain or justify. A place where you can say the things you’ve been holding in. A place where you can stop pretending you’re okay when you’re not.
I specialize in working with moms of high needs kids because I'm living this life too.
I can help.
Ready to get started? Contact me today.
Michelle Deely, MFT specializes in helping burned out moms find relief. Michelle offers in-person therapy in San Francisco and online therapy to clients throughout California.
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